Mr. Shifter

My Christmas tree won't grow

Two little Swans

My lovely bank manager

Come and say hello on facebook :-)

My Christmas Day

Being Stout

A Piddly poem for children taken from the new book "Piddly poems compilation" out in shops 2013 ©

My Christmas tree won't grow

A Piddly poem for children "My Christmas tree won't grow" taken from the new book "Piddly poems compilation" Out in shops across the UK soon.

The oldest man in the world

"The oldest man in the world" A poem taken from the new series of Piddly poem books for children.

The Mirror

Muck, mud and grime

That was that

The ship's cat
Slipped on a mat
Fell overboard
And that was that

Until a very large sea rat
Brought back the cat
Then slipped on the mat
Fell overboard
Then, that was that.

The slimy monster

It jumped out of the sea
And with one giant leap
Landed at my feet
In a great big heap
It slithered onto my toe
I cried out
“No no no”
Then it lifted it’s great big head
And said
“Hello”

The man with two bottoms

The man with two bottoms
Only had one chair
So he’d rest them, one at a time
...To keep it perfectly fair

And when the chair broke
The man with two bottoms
Flew into the air
Landing on the floor
Where at last
He could rest the pair.

bum bum :-)

Two beer bellies are better than one

Two beer bellies
Are better than one
Announced Ron to John
One winter night
Over a pint

I’ve only got one
Replied John
Well, so have I
Said Ron

Thank goodness
After a few
They agreed
Together, they had two :-)

Muck, mud and grime

I laughed in the mud
I laughed in the muck
I laughed rolling around the floor
I laughed in the horse manure store

Then it rained and washed away
The muck the mud and the grime
And all the manure from the horse manure floor
Then I had, a dirty laugh no more.

Jimmy's dad

“Dip your sausage in your egg”
“It tastes great”
Jimmy’s dad said
Not wanting to be rude
Jimmy nodded his head
And then his dad muttered
“Why don’t you put some beans on your fried bread”
Jimmy said nothing
He pretended to be hoarse
Then in the corner of his ear he heard”
“Dip your bacon in your saurce”
Jimmy’s sister
Betty G
Said “dad”
“Leave Jimmy alone”
“He’s nearly thirty three”

The unique walking club

With an awkward wiggle
A double half hop
A stretched leap
And a backward trot
Bernard rubber legged Trub
Was the all round star
Of the unique walking club.
His very good friend
Simpson Trimp
Had a perfected triple limp
A reversed three quarter stride
And could walk in two directions
At the same time
When he really tried
So if you walk with a wiggle
Wobble while you walk
Contact, Simpson Trimp
Or Bernard rubber legged Trub
And become a full time member
Of the unique walking club.

Father's day

All’s I want for Father’s day
Is to see you’re little faces
No matter where you are are
To hear you’re little voices
Wether you’re near or far

All’s I want for Father’s day
Is to be your dear pa pa
But if you’re feeling generous of course
You can get me a brand new car

Mrs Dearing

How’ve you been?
Mrs Dearing
“What was that”?
“I’m hard of hearing”
Have you had a nice day?
The weather’s been fine
“Who’s a swine”?
“What did you say”?
Are you going deaf?
“Of course I am”
There’s nothing wrong with your hearing
Mrs Dearing

Chalk farm

A drew a big fat pig
On my school black board
Then I drew another
So it wouldn’t get bored
I coloured them in pink
All covered in mud
Then I drew a dairy cow
Sitting on a rug
Nine happy hens
Were playing in their den
Then along came dozy hen
Which made them ten
It was a big black board
So I drew many more
Four lambs
A sheep
Three goats
And Fred the farmer’s back door
Then I drew a cheeky fox
Who never meant to do any harm
“What are you doing there Benny boy” said John grovel, the teachers pet
Can’t you see grov?
I’m drawing a chalk farm.